The Rest Of My Entries Will Be Written in MS DOS Form
T&R were talking tonight about how they're both really good at math and how their senior years were a breeze except for AP Calculus. Well, I'm fucking terrible at math. It took me six years to graduate highschool, and I wouldn't say that the math thing is why, but it didn't help. I can count how many ice cream sandwiches I've eaten today, how many cigarettes I've smoked, and how many days it's been since I've showered -- and that's enough for me. But everybody else my age thinks they're a bunch of god damn geniuses, so I get a lot of shit for taking so long to graduate. But I had two extra years to learn this much math:
80% of my friends took their highschool diplomas to some shithole like OU where they smoked x bowls, drank x² beers, and fucked (x³ + 4¼) girls with too much eye makeup and/or boys in "skinny jeans" (if they got laid at all), only to fail out, return home, and work at trash jobs for minimum wage, losing an estimated one one-thousandth of their souls for every minute that they're there. And I'm okay with not being that guy.
But apparently, in those two years, the proficiency tests that I originally took expired, and I had to take new ones, including the math. I didn't mind the reading and writing and science and social studies (which is now entirely about the Cold War), and you can't fool me with your fancy "caveat" and your "filch" and your "intrepid". Except that vocab doesn't help me figure out fractions and surface areas. So really, screw you and your triangular prisms and your two trains traveling at 207955.82 MPH. This fucking test threw at me a bunch of shit I've never really had to know. I shouted with actual, audible glee when I finally got to the SHAPES section of the test, because I can stick the circle peg into the circle hole, and that's a skill I've learned to actually use.
Anyway, I got the results back. And as it turns out, I'm alright at math, but not totally awesome at Life Science. So in conclusion, I think the truth here is that I'm actually a robot, and I won't have to deal with karma and the hellhounds that could eat my innards for eternity for all the self-deprecating retard jokes I made. It would explain why I am a heartless prick with no human emotions whatsoever.
46 comments:
If your calculations are correct, most of those people have negative souls by this point. Also, I said I had fun my senior year. I don't recall using the word "breeze"
Slopster may not have used the word 'breeze' but he does keep it 'breezy' for sheezy. Like easy breezy beautiful, covergirl.
PS - I started a blog. www.gas-face.blogspot.com
i'm good at math... as in "add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!" LOL, boobs radley. just kidding! i hate math, puns, and being pregnant.
interesting. do you know the formula for solving a pants problem?
I'd say that negative souls are accurate, and you did in fact use the word "breeze".
And my particular model robot does not understand the concept of fashion, so pants problems are out of my scope. But I do think that if you ever solved your pants problem, it would make the rest of your life meaningless.
you better be talking about Snark and not Carl, Slop. that's my kool aid.
I am the Euclid of high school math. I invented that shit, and nobody can hang with my multiple variable solving skills. Texas Instruments was gonna do a commercial with me where I'm dressed in street clothes solving a bunch of equations on the fly. Then I turn to the camera and go "I got skeelz!" Then a bunch of lacrosse players run in and beat me until I whimper for them to return my calculator. As you can guess, high school was like a non stop sex party for me... son.
if you don't stop talking about carl i'm going to just punch you out.
i don't think i like this side of any of you. my next blog is going to be about how i love you guys in real life but hate all of your virtual identities!
wow Carl gets pwned on this site harder than I do on my own. But for the record, Snarky needs a jobby too.
awesome how my danzig post turned into a tell me and my brother what we need to do fest.
No one likes being told what to do.
That said, please visit my blog. www.gas-face.blogspot.com
You asked nicely.
my point was not that you should care about Danzig, it was that my blog is an inappropriate place to tell him or me or us to "grow the fuck up and get a job."
i'm not going to internet fight with you, but your increasingly hostile attitude has been duly fucking noted, so you can stop now. i get it.
Dude, I was just kidding around. I didn't mean to offend anybody. I'm sorry to Carl and Catie. Nobody needs to grow up or get a job. I apologize.
What you have to understand about slop is that he has no tact. I'm still trying to train him.
Hey guys, what's going on in this blog?
So I knew that enough time has passed since the Cold War to make jokes about it, but I didn't know that enough time has passed to learn about it.
I never really learned about the Cold War, and I spent a lot of time in highschool. But the tests I took were just chock full of Communism questions.
One time I referenced Russia's economic policies as an Iron Curtain, but I don't think my teacher appreciated my sense of humor. Damn commie.
Wow, writing in MS DOS Form must take a long time.
MS DOS slowing you to a crawl.
The weight of the comments on this post is crushing the blog. RELIEVE THE PRESSURE.
This comment page is my favorite Web site on the whole internet.
Yeah dude, its like a free chat room! It rules.
What's yer deal? you don't like blogging anymore? Our blogging community has a hole in its heart that can only be filled by you.
My blogs are few and far between because it's a very careful process now; everytime I blog I risk prompting some god awful comment about my brother sleeping with julie.
I'm tiptoeing right now, trying to be sure that nothing I blog about is remotely relevant or could possibly remind someone of it.
caity,
are you in cleveland right now? i am on spring break, and there is a cavs game tuesday, currently with all ticket price levels available. if that doesn't work, i'd still like to do lunch. and you're right. my hair is fading and i hate it. anyway give me a call or something.
sam
i will go to a cavs game AND lunch with you if you'll go with me to mentor to get a new piercing.
haha i love you so much. calling tonight.
It has mutated into a bulletin board!~
did you see the cavs beat detroit in detroit? also, your boy sasha is starting!? why is there no blog entry about this.
Because any new posts will lead to her being embarrassed. It's the only explanation lol
i did see the cavs at the palace. my brother picked me up and shook me like a party favor, which is a relatively common thing, just not at home.
and you know i can't blog about sasha. he would so break up with me over that.
Are you trying to set a world record for most comments on a blog?
you mean by commenting over and over and over 40 times on my own blog? or by soliciting my friends and randos to talk gibberish on my shit? no, i'm not. but you're 41.
I came here expecting to read a new post. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.
Wanna go to Rudy's tonight?
write a new entry, i am bored.
It's official, this blog has died. Katie refuses to write more. Did you see how this blog went from the hottest shit on the net to a stone cold corpse in just a week? Come back Katie, the defib paddles are charged and waiting!
Boobs Radley says her blog is on hiatus, but I bet she'll be posting more than SnarkCity.
Why don't you blog about Damien?
cait, i relapsed into blogging. don't be ashamed of me.
how could i be ashamed of you when you're commenting on my blog? exactly.
p.s. i'm awful at keeping secrets -- i'm coming home in the next week, i think, and i'll be there until around the 10th. supposedly Retard (capital R) is also coming home "for at least a few days" so we will have to get together and make lots of lesbian jokes. her girlfriend's name is RACHEL, for future reference. start coming up with them now.
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